What If?

Now that I’m comfortably on the other side of unemployment—wait…did I mention I got a job?

No?

Yeah, I did!

I accepted a job offer the day after I posted my last blog. At the end of April, I started working for a great company—a company that several old coworkers left my previous employer for; a company I’ve been eying for several years, and just never had to gumption to go for it. The stars kind of aligned; a job was posted the week after I was laid off, a colleague—who’s wife works there—sent it to me and I applied immediately. The interview process was lengthy—it was about a month before I had my first round interview and another month until the final round. Fast forward to now and I couldn’t be happier; my team is incredibly supportive, the company is stable with lots of room for growth, and the benefits package is top notch. Everything worked out!

Back to the blog!

…Now that I’m comfortably on the other side of unemployment, I’ve become a bit introspective of my “time off.” Being laid off is not something anyone necessarily wants (unless you hate your job) and I’m glad I didn’t completely lose my mind. There were aspects that I took advantage of—like taking a course for a professional certification I’ve been contemplating, finishing four novels (in the last few years, I’ve barely read four books in total, let alone four books in three months), establishing a solid exercise routine, and having bonus time with my kids and husband—but I do have some regrets. Like yes, I had bonus time with my kids BUT I wasn’t always mentally present for them; physically, I was in the room but mentally I was miles away, stressing about the future. Quality family time aside, I wish I had pushed myself out of that spiral headspace and done something creative. Specifically, started a new writing project.

In the three months that I was unemployed, there was one common statement uttered by every single person who learned of my predicament; “Great time to write a book!” “When’s your next book coming out?” was another one. Which I can’t deny the facts behind either of those statements; writing would have been the perfect use for unintended and extended free time. I did it once before; when I lost my job in 2012, I spent the summer writing and editing my first book. At the end of that stint of unemployment—which funnily enough was the same length of time as my most recent stint—I had a completed manuscript and was actively querying for agents and publishers. Twelve years later, my circumstances are a bit different—circumstances being two children and a mortgage. Unfortunately, my outgoing expenses exceed unemployment compensation and my time had to be spent looking for a new job.

Obviously, the single-minded dedication to finding my next opportunity paid off.

Sure, writing would have fulfilled the need to be productive AND creative, but I know I wasn’t in a mental state to do anything creative that would’ve been worthwhile. Truthfully, I was barely holding it together—some days, I barely had the energy to drag myself out of bed and brush my teeth. Committing anything to page is beyond comprehension.

But now I can’t help but look back and wonder, “What if?”

What if I pushed myself—like I promised I would before my-life-went-to-shit—and committed to some sort of novel development. The job hunt would’ve remained the top priority, but I could’ve allotted an hour a day to story brainstorming or framework development. Typically, I don’t do a lot of pre-work—another topic I’ve written about in previous blogs—as I like to just start writing and see where the muse takes me. Considering my past projects were research heavy, an hour a day would’ve been beneficial and a great opportunity to flesh out some ideas I’ve had ruminating.

Ruminating because inspiration hasn’t been lacking.

I’ve been sitting on one semi-developed premise for about a year; a premise I feel pretty strongly about but it requires a lot of in-depth research. I started the research phase, even borrowing a few books on the topic from my dad. Said books are still sitting on my desk, under an inch of dust. Their spines have been cracked, but definitely not during my unemployment. Yes, I wish I had done more when it came to that specific topic but I didn’t feel an urge to really dive into it.

AND a few weeks back, an alternative/unexpected inspiration hit.

Currently, my algorithm on Facebook is focused on three topics: Bravo (because hello…are you watching Summer House? Shits getting REAL!), horror movie reels with facts behind the production (BTW: I HATE horror movies and the only explanation for this is I guess I linger too long on some of the descriptions? I’ve been trying for MONTHS to block all of them), and ancient history factoids (specifically British/Tudor-era. What can I say…I love the Brits!) Obviously, the later being the most thought provoking—like if you’re doom scrolling at 3am, its better to learn a bit about the “Princes in the Tower” than about who hates who from the cast of RHONJ (and if you’re wondering….its Teresa) On one such doom scroll, I came across a rather intriguing post. And yes, I snapped a picture of it.

The picture caught my attention; the elaborate costumes and face paint pops on screen. But the caption kept my gaze. In all my readings of medieval culture and courts—both historic and fictional—I’d never heard this tidbit of lore. A jester—someone who’s sole purpose was to make a fool of themselves for royal entertainment—held a place of esteem and power? Yes, popular culture has often depicted a jester sitting at the foot of the throne, but not as a trusted advisor.

Which got me thinking.

And then imagining.

Nothing concrete has taken shape yet; not even a full premise. But a concept has been circulating in my mind. One that’s begging to be fleshed out. Stylistically, it has me a bit excited about the prospect of an abrupt genre change; with what I’m thinking for this concept, it leans more towards Young Adult Fiction—something I’ve never tried my hand at.

All of this begs the question: is it okay to change course; pursue a different muse and shelf the other idea for the time being?

The answer is an astounding YES!

I’m a firm believer in the pursuit of passion, especially when it comes to inspiration. If a mere idea has me brimming with excitement and the need to get some words down, then I should lean into it. HARD! Writing should never be a chore, done to just check a box—you’ll be spending a lot of time in the places and with the characters you create, so you might as well enjoy it. Otherwise the work will read stale and like it was “phoned in” by the author. And that’s death for a writing career; an avid reader can see when the writer “got lazy” and stopped caring. And because I have very little time to dedicate to writing—and if you call it a “hobby” I will find you, Liam Neeson style—I need all the motivation to tear myself away from mindless television.

So I guess my “What If” scenario wasn’t in complete vain; my unemployment status did bring a bit of creativity to the forefront. Yeah, it’s not a full-fledged novel—not even a quarter-fledged—but at least it’s something. And who knows! It could be the next big thing I dedicate a few years of my life to.

For now, I’m just excited about the possibilities.