"You don't have to understand life. You just have to live it."
Guys.
I made good on the promise from my last blog; I finished a book this week.
Like cover to cover, every word, phrase, paragraph and page in a 3-week span. It’s been YEARS since I’ve ravaged through a book like that—probably since my college days, when I had to read 3 or 4 novels a month for my literature classes, on top of whatever I was reading for fun-sies. It felt GOOD to be back on that grind; the grind of not being able to put a book down, and needing “one last chapter,” to quench that imagination urge. It’s an accomplishment I’m not sure many understand—unless you’re a bibliophile like me. But I was serious about the “anti-couch-potato” declaration from my last blog and dove right into my goal, buying two books the day after I posted it.
The first book I finished?
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.
And only after finishing this masterpiece—and starting this blog—did I realize a new theory:
Certain books come into our lives, not by chance, but because our hearts need its’ story to take hold.
Lofty statement, but true for this work of fantastical fiction that I—and many others—couldn’t get enough of.
But I’m getting a head of myself—per usual.
I’ll be honest, I typically steer clear of trendy books or anything that people are running to the bookstore to grab. I don’t like my choice in literature swayed by public opinion. Even if I’m intrigued, I purposely wait until the chatter has subsided so I can make my own opinion and read at leisure. Obviously, I’ve made certain exceptions to that rule—specifically with Harry Potter. Nothing could keep me from locking myself in my room for two days once Deathly Hallows dropped. Haig’s novel has had quite the buzz surrounding it; it’s a NYT Best Seller and has been on just about every “Must Read” list across the country since in publication in May 2023. I’ve also seen quite a few spines cracked in public. So, when I was browsing the book section at Target—because I, like many, shop for books, clothes, food and make-up all in one place—the cover jumped out at me. I knew it was trendy but I had no clue the subject matter—as another rule, I try to stay away from the synopsis’ of said trendy books.
*As I write this, I realize I am really cutting myself short; I shouldn’t put up full blinders when it comes to great new fiction. Trendy books are popular for a reason—well, most of the time. I should investigate and dive in without prejudice. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog…*
So I picked it up and thought, “Well, lets jump on the bandwagon,” as I placed it in my red Target basket.
The next night, my husband happened to have plans to go out with some friends to catch the Thursday night (American) football at a local bar. So it was the perfect opportunity to crack the spine and lose myself in its pages. After putting the kids to bed, I poured myself a glass of wine, snuggled under my favorite blanket on my spot on the couch and started to read. Again, I had no clue what I was jumping into; I naïvely thought it was a romance-leaning novel, as most popular fiction pieces these days are.
Welp. I was wrong.
If you read my last blog, you know I haven’t been in the best of headspaces lately. And—if you read this book—you’ll understand why the first few chapters weren’t helpful to my psyche at that exact moment in time.
*NO SPOILERS, I promise!*
“‘Between life and death there is a library, and within that library, the shelves go on forever. Every book provides a chance to try another life you could have lived. To see how things would be if you had made other choices… Would you have done anything different, if you had the chance to undo your regrets?’”
The wine didn’t help either.
But, I kept with it—which was easy because Haig’s storytelling and prose are quick and to the point. His chapters—all revolving around a theme connected to the title of said chapter—are as short as 3-pages. Which is my style; I showed my husband the length of chapters and he literally said, “Oh, he writes like you then.” *Husband-brownie points for reading my books AND remembering.* I’ll admit, I’m always a bit cynical when a male author’s protagonist is female—from my humble experience, their female experience is closer to a character trope than reality. Proven wrong once again; Nora—Haig’s lead—is not only relatable but also lovable. Her struggles with self worth and living with a mountain of regrets are issues impacting so many women in their mid-thirties.
Which brings me to the core of this novel; what if you could start over? What if your regrets or the wrong choices you made in life could be undone by simply pulling a book from a library shelf? Would you do it? And would it make any difference?
Haig’s modern spin on It’s a Wonderful Life does just that; allows Nora to undo regrets, see how her life would’ve turned out if she made a different choice. Could be small decisions or big life choices, Haig masterfully shows that all decisions (good or bad) can impact the trajectory of our lives. The key is to live without regret; regret and dwelling on the bad only inhibit life.
Though marketed as a fantasy, The Midnight Library’s theme is so philosophical and unbelievably relevant to our culture.
“‘Every second of every day we are entering a new universe. And we spend so much time wishing our lives were different, comparing ourselves to other people and to other versions of ourselves, when really most lives contain degrees of good and degrees of bad.’”
In the age of social media where we are constantly trying to “keep up with the Jones’”, life comparisons and regret are rampant. We are inundated and oversaturated with the purposely-curated lives of others, where perfect snapshots of a single-minded perspective are the only things on display. Obviously we are happy when our friends are doing well, but if our own life isn’t as picture perfect—or not exactly the way we always envisioned it— it leaves us feeling inept. And full of regret. It’s very hard not to spiral under that comparison and not appreciate the good things in your life.
I am 100% guilty of this. I’ve written in depth about my issues dealing with my “new” life since having kids. How much I miss the care-free (to an extent, haha) girl I used to be. The life I enjoyed before everything took a 180. It’s a funk that is very hard to get out of, especially when motherhood seems so easy for others. But if given the choice, would I ever go back and undo it all? Start over; go back to that girl and the life I had I four years ago, and pretend none of what I have ever existed. Let my kids and my current responsibilities evaporate like smoke.
And without an ounce of hesitation the answer is a resounding no.
Even in my darkest moments, when I’m exhausted and I just want 10 minutes of peace—10 minutes where I’m not cleaning up after someone, pleading with my kids to eat their dinner or being pulled on and needed in any capacity—I wouldn’t wish away all that I have and undo my life. And even though I miss her, I wouldn’t give it all up to be that girl again. Because even the chaos has beauty. I read this quote somewhere that said, “Five years ago, you wished for the life you now live.” Which is true; all I’ve ever wanted was to build a family with my husband. I’ve been given my dream, so why aren’t I happy? Because my perspective has changed; I am dwelling on the moments of stress and awfulness, instead of being present and finding the joy in the little things around me. As a society, we are taught to always want more; to be overachievers and never settle for the life we have. Ambition is a never a bad thing, but the lack of appreciation for your current perspective needs to be just as relevant. You need to actually live, not just survive.
Which is exactly the conclusion Haig brings his readers to.: “You don’t have to understand life. You just have to live it.”
Don’t let the regret of the “could-have-beens” or the unobtainable perfection stop you from living. Breathe in your life. Find the beauty in the chaos and keep your heart open for the good and bad.
I’m so glad I picked up this book; it was exactly what my soul needed.
And it will be for you, too.